I was readmitted to the ER eight days after I was discharged from my CS operation due to high blood pressure. They pushed magnesium sulfate via IV then later infused two more bags which were supposed to last for about two days. However, I developed magnesium sulfate toxicity on the second day and the doctor had it discontinued.

Even before the toxicity peaked, my respiratory rate had already slowed down. Whenever the nurses came in to check my vital signs, they would ask me to breathe deeply. At one point, my left hand became extremely painful because that’s where the IV was inserted and where the magnesium sulfate was flowing. The infusion was paused for an hour. The nurses then decided to reinsert the IV into my right hand, but before they could do so, my doctor made rounds and decided to discontinue it altogether.

Lesson? When in doubt, voice it out.

At the time when my left hand veins were already very painful, I asked my mom to call a nurse. That moment became the turning point. All the other things I had been tolerating were already signs of worsening toxicity.

I couldn’t speak normally. I spoke very slowly, like, “Mooo-mmyyy, pleeease hooold myyyy haaaand.” I had difficulty moving my hands. I could barely lift a finger. I couldn’t even press the side button of my phone.

I also couldn’t swallow even a spoonful of solid food that my husband tried to feed me. I had to spit it out into a plastic container. He bought me congee but I could only manage three spoonfuls and still struggled to swallow. There was also a strange sensation in my mouth that felt very disturbing. I kept sticking my tongue out just to check if I could still move it, thinking something was wrong even though I had been told about the possible side effects.

On top of that, my mind was flooded with thoughts: stories of people who were suddenly hospitalized out of nowhere: a close friend who travelled to NZ but ended up in the hospital due to a stroke, a TV host who lived a healthy lifestyle yet suddenly had a stroke and a skincare CEO who stayed in the hospital for three months due to stroke. Because of these thoughts, I asked for my oxygen to be reinserted.

I felt extremely weak. I asked my mom to call my dad and my brother because I wanted to speak to them, something I don’t usually do as we mostly just chat. I genuinely thought I was going to die or have a stroke. I felt like I was hanging by a thread. I even wanted to ask my husband, “Pag kayo lang dalawa ni baby, kaya mo ba?” but I didn’t have the strength to say it.

I prayed. I asked God to give me another chance. I promised to be more serious about my monthly tithes and to be more hands-on with charity work.

I also thought about the pickleball sessions I had planned before my pregnancy. I had already contacted a coach from a nearby town to teach me. Court details and fees were already arranged. I wanted to do more than just gym workouts. But God said then, not yet.

In that moment when I was extremely weak, unable to move, eat or even speak properly, I thought about all those plans. I wondered when I would be able to do normal things again. To speak. To move. To eat. To travel.

And I realized something: no amount of savings, emergency funds or assets we work so hard to build can buy back the life within our bodies. No fears, worries, or resentments that we’ve held onto even matter in that moment.

You go back to the basics.

I asked for my husband when the magnesium sulfate was being pushed into me in the ER. He came back from the pharmacy and held my hand.

I asked for my mom’s hand as I lay in my hospital bed, in tears, calling out, “Mommy, Mommy.” She told me she had never seen me like that before.

I asked my mom to call my dad and my brother so I could speak to them.

I asked God to help me, heal me and save me.

In that particular moment, I asked for the most important things. And only the most important things.

Isaiah 41:10 
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”